I LOVE LAPD!!!!!!!!

So yeah. I got invited to a Fondue Party last night in downtown Los Angeles. The party was actually located on the corner of Olympic and Olive street, not far from the staples center. business area. non-residential. It was about 10:30pm.

Realizing i didnt have a chance to pick up some beers before i left home to bring (i hate showing up to parties empty-handed) to the venue, i decided to pick some up when i got in the area. after about 45 minutes of driving up and down the maze that is DownTown LA, i gave up. It was deserted. After living here for 3 years and being a dyed in the wool New Yorker, i still couldn’t get over how everything shuts down after 8pm out there….some “city.” In anycase, i decided to just show up to the party empty-handed.

It was 11pm at this point. As i parked my car in the deserted parking lot across the street from the place, i still wasn’t sure if i’d found it. the area was dead, not a soul in site, not even driving and almost creepy at how quiet it was. the building the party took place in was an old bank that had been gutted out and been renovated into a buncha lofts.

Not realizing that at the time, i decided to cross the dark, derserted street to call good buddy and phenom talent Dave Johnson (Super Patriot, Ben 10 Art Director, 100 Bullets cover artist and Drink and Draw founder) who was already at the shing-dig, just to be sure this was the spot.

What happened after that goes down in the history books of funniest/bullshit moments in the life of LeSean Thomas. as my cell phone rang, and i got to the sidewalk, a LAPD cop car–from out of nowhere, not in the STREET I”M CROSSING–literally screaches up to the corner of the curb, damn-near hitting me, tri-colored lights blaring and high beams on me.

I froze.

Not because of the fact that A) as a black man, i’m genetically predisposed to fearing any police officer for no reason.

or B) the fact that i’ve been stopped twice by cops in NYC and GREENSBORO, North Carolina, because i “fit the description.”

But more because of the fact that they came out of fucking nowhere and scared the living shit outta me. So, this short, obviously napoleon-complexed mexican officer hops out the car with his hand on his firearm.

” Can i see your ID sir!”

I hesitated…

” Can i see your ID sir!”

I handed him my ID, realizing Dave Johnson was prolly still on the phone since it was ringing before the cops showed up. i cut the phone off.

Looking at me, then my ID, then at me again, the short cop then proceeds to ask me a question, but there was no noise coming from his mouth. i didnt think i heard him correctly….probably out of fear at first.

“what?” i asked , while keeping my eye on the other, taller white officer who hops out the drivers seat and walks over, his hand also on his firearm. The short guy asks again, this time really annoyed at me, one hand on my ID, the other hand still on his firearm:

“I said is there a reason why you were crossing the street on a RED LIGHT?”

Ah….NOW i heard him, realizing that the real reason i got stopped just sounded so absurd, the question didnt even register. its like i didnt hear the little dude right.

“oh, i didnt even know i crossed at a red, besides, there’s nobody out here so I-”

and before i could finish my sentence, the taller white cop yells

“-WELL we’re gonna give you something to SHARPEN YOUR MEMORY.”

shocked, i said “What?”

“We’re gonna give you something to SHARPEN that MEMORY OF YOURS.”

I couldnt fucking believe it. it’s 11pm at night. NO CARS, NO PEOPLE, NOONE IN SIGHT, and these fuckers stop me to give me a TICKET FOR JAYWALKING in the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT. So as this little fucker starts to write my ticket, the taller cop just continues to stare me down with his hand at his firearm. What i wanted to ask was:

” Isn’t there a crack-cocaine deal happening at skid-row that you guys could be interviening right now instead of doing this?”

But i could just tell the tall white, angry cop was DYING for “NIGGA MOMENT” to happen, so i kept it neutral and stayed put. I fucking HATE police organizations. now, don’t get me wrong. i’m not gonna sit here and complain and say all cops fucking suck. I happen to have had some of the most interesting conversations with a few in my time and a few good amount of them are regular joes, trying to do their jobs. but lets just be fair and say a good 80% are fucking garbarge. and i understand that their lives are threatemed, they are on edge and there’s some really fucked up people out there, but thats just all the more reason for me to not comprehend the absurdity of the situation. and its not about the fucking ticket. i pay $60 parking tickets all the time. it’s the PRINCIPLE. I”m gonna contest this shit in court. i’m not paying for this bullshit!!LOL!!

I guess that’s what you get for being black and crossing the wrong street at the wrong time of the night in LA, lol.

Suffice it to say, the shit fucked up my night. i’m over it now. and think its funny, but man, sometimes i feel like FUCK THE POLICE!

LeS-